I met with my Dr. Liu at Straub today to review my CT scan. Dr. Liu, my oncologist, asked me how I was feeling. First he said that the x-ray came back negative and I let out a heavy sigh of relief. And then a second later my worst fear was realized. He told me that my CT scan showed a mass in my liver. He is certain it's a metastasis from the ACC over three years ago. The THING in my liver is currently the size of a 6 cm orange (again with the citrus fruit!). I remember losing my breath because I almost choked trying to gasp for air, then reaching out to touch him to make sure I wasn't dreaming. He backed away. I'm guessing he positioned himself far enough just in case he thought I might strike him after he explained the CT report to me. He gave me a referral to a surgeon and walked out. I had so many questions for him but he was in a hurry. Well, I shamelessly cried out of amazement and confusion. I'm NOT afraid of the treatment that is going to rid this THING. What worries me is WHERE else is this THING hiding, living, multiplying inside of me? I discussed my headaches with him so he ordered a brain CT on Wednesday the 23rd. On the 30th I have a consult/review of the brain CT and on February 1st I have a surgery consult. Since I have two weeks until the surgery consult, I plan to search for another opinion.
I want to tell my family but don't know how to. I don't need them to worry especially them being over 2,000 miles away.
On my way home, I got off the bus a few stops early so I could walk if off. Walk whatever I could off...the shock, the hurt, the fear and anger. Anger of this THING I have no control of.
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