ONE WEEK LATER

It's been one week since the big news. All my friends and family know. Denise even gave my CT scans to her doctor friend at Queen's. He called to confirm the tumor and yes, it had to come out. In the back of my mind I kept hoping he would say that this is all a big mistake. Denise, Neal, Lisa, Michael and I met at John's for a healing prayer session. I really needed it. I am so thankful and blessed.

MANIC MONDAY

I didn't sleep all night. At 5 am I took the taxi to Straub and demanded by brain CT, along with a complete blood panel, in the ER. I could not wait two more days to find out if the THING was in my brain. Dr. Dunn gave me the results ... negative! I walked into work a few hours late but they were so okay about it. No one at works knows yet. It's good to be at work. Busy. Busy. Busy. During lunch I make an appointment to see Dr. Guerrero for a second opinion (2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th opinions should be made by doctors outside of your practicing doctor's group for an unbiased opinion). This afternoon I went to see Father Dave at Saint Peter and Paul for his opinion. He had no answers. He admitted he doubted God at times. He offered a prayer and administered the sacrament of anointing with oils.

SUNDAY

I talked to Michael about it tonight. We went to Starbucks (on Ward) and discussed the meaning of life. We also prayed for a miracle. I really needed to talk about it. Feeling better. Not really. We went to Kinko's so I could fax my doctors in California for opinions. Another plan is to have surgery in California so I can recuperate there.

ROUND TWO

I met with my Dr. Liu at Straub today to review my CT scan. Dr. Liu, my oncologist, asked me how I was feeling. First he said that the x-ray came back negative and I let out a heavy sigh of relief. And then a second later my worst fear was realized. He told me that my CT scan showed a mass in my liver. He is certain it's a metastasis from the ACC over three years ago. The THING in my liver is currently the size of a 6 cm orange (again with the citrus fruit!). I remember losing my breath because I almost choked trying to gasp for air, then reaching out to touch him to make sure I wasn't dreaming. He backed away. I'm guessing he positioned himself far enough just in case he thought I might strike him after he explained the CT report to me. He gave me a referral to a surgeon and walked out. I had so many questions for him but he was in a hurry. Well, I shamelessly cried out of amazement and confusion. I'm NOT afraid of the treatment that is going to rid this THING. What worries me is WHERE else is this THING hiding, living, multiplying inside of me? I discussed my headaches with him so he ordered a brain CT on Wednesday the 23rd. On the 30th I have a consult/review of the brain CT and on February 1st I have a surgery consult. Since I have two weeks until the surgery consult, I plan to search for another opinion.

I want to tell my family but don't know how to. I don't need them to worry especially them being over 2,000 miles away.

On my way home, I got off the bus a few stops early so I could walk if off. Walk whatever I could off...the shock, the hurt, the fear and anger. Anger of this THING I have no control of.